The Right Path

At the beginning of my third year in college, I was referred to a group therapy session for anxiety by CAPS, the campus psychological clinic. During the session each participant was given a handout titled: How To Prevent Suicide. I understand now that the handout was given with good intention, but then, I exploded.

I wasn't suicidal. However, I was only 20 and I was suffering: a body with chronic physical pain, a brain filled with anxious thoughts and a heavy heart still carrying past traumas. I was tired of pain and frustrated with hospital and clinic visits. So I asked the therapist, you and all the doctors I met were trying so hard to keep me alive, but what is the meaning of my life? In hindsight, she handled the situation very well. She said it is your life. You search for your own meaning. Or as I would rather interpret as, you make your own meaning.

I understood then that I had to start making changes. At least to me a life nothing more than a negative loop repeating itself doesn't worth much of living. But if I want to actually start living, then I simply cannot do things the old way. First, I need to decide what is right and true for me.